Beyoncé – 'Cowboy Carter'

Best paired with: Hoppin’ john

Queen B has gone country with her latest single, and some Nashvillians are quaking in their $10,000 boots.

Genre gatekeeping is stupid. And the only thing that makes it stupider is defending the very genre that made Luke Bryan a star. Modern country music is living proof that white people can ruin anything, including the blues.

Especially the blues.

Speaking of white people ruining stuff, hoppin’ john actually evolved from a rice-and-bean dish by the Gullah, an African-American ethnic group who predominantly live in the Lowcountry region of South Carolina. But the hoppin’ john I know is served over white rice and features a stick-to-your-ribs blend of bacon, onion, celery, carrots, and black-eyed peas. Which is apt in this context, because a black eye is exactly what I’d like to give to the next person who tries to tell me who does or does not belong in their endlessly redundant, watered-down, boring-ass genre.

Oh sure. Morgan Wallen can use 808s (along with other choice words) and it’s all good. But god forbid Beyoncé wears a cowboy hat and sings about poker.

Am I falling for the manufactured drama from dubious media outlets farming clicks? Maybe. But this kind of outrage has happened often enough where I think I can safely say, “Shut up and line-dance.”

Doja Cat – 'Planet Her'

Best paired with: that viral TikTok pasta dish

Doja Cat’s mainstream success warms my cold, little heart. Going from internet meme queen to Grammy-winning pop star is the kind of glow-up I can get behind.

Not to gate-keep, but Doja Cat has kind of been girl-bossing for a while now. It just took a little bit for her to get onto the world’s radar. “Moo” dropped in 2018, but she didn’t start hitting the charts until 2020. Which, coincidentally, is pretty much the same timeline of that viral pasta recipe from TikTok (traced back to Finland in 2018, and was likely hanging out in some babushka’s kitchen drawer for years before that).

And that’s why they’re perfectly complementary — they both took their time, perfected their craft, and blew up when the world was ready for them.

Respect.

Olivia Rodrigo – 'sour'

Best paired with: tamarind whiskey sour

Hell hath no fury like a teenager’s break-up album.

Sour, bitter, and salty — the only thing missing from Olivia Rodrigo’s debut record is even the slightest hint of sweetness. And this tamarind drink’s tart taste will make your lips pucker more than that when you got that “we r over” text.

So pour your cocktail strong, and try your best to forget the fact that Jason has probably already sent multiple thirsty DMs to the hostess at your local Applebee’s.

… On second thought, your fake ID isn’t fooling anyone. I’m going to have to ask you to leave the bar area and find a booth.

100 gecs – '1000 gecs'

Best paired with: durian fruit

100 gecs is what you get when you mix Myspace, dial-up noises, Bling Era hip-hip, and a bad mescaline trip. That is to say — it’s shockingly refreshing.

Be prepared; the first listen is a truly horrifying experience. But by the seventh, you start questioning both your taste and your sanity. Eventually your brain gets reconfigured to the point where you no longer fear death.

And that’s exactly why it goes so well with durian fruit.

For the uninitiated, durian is considered the smelliest fruit on earth. It has a prickly, abrasive outer shell that is cracked open to reveal a hellish, rancid inside. Its odor has been compared to rotten onions, turpentine, and raw sewage (depending on who you ask). It’s banned on public transportation in no fewer than four countries.

Despite all of this, it is a delicacy throughout Southeast Asia, used in everything from candy to curry. Which actually makes sense, because John Caramanica from the New York Times named 1000 gecs the best album of 2019.

Both 100 gecs and durian fruit have evolved past a niche spectacle into something beloved and revered — awfulness and all. And that alone deserves a place in our hearts.

Billie Eilish – 'WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO?'

Best paired with: goth food

Now, Billie Eilish is not goth. But neither is goth food — it’s just normal food dyed black. Something familiar glossed with a spooky vernier.

And that’s all this album is: pop music painted with charcoal.

It might taste a little more bitter and make you feel a little more special for choosing to consume it, but don’t fool yourself. This is the same food we’ve seen for years now. And a new, trendier iteration is already on its way.

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